What Gives the Name
A few years ago--three to be exact--I started a blog called (something along the lines of) A 19-Year-Old's Attempt to lose weight. Well, guess what. I haven't lost a single pound since starting that blog, and I haven't updated that blog since I first started it. What's the point when nothing's worked? Honestly, this is even a long-shot because what could possibly signal to me that it's going to work now when it never has before?
What gives this blog the name "It's Not a TIME Commitment"? I came up with a phrase this morning as I was re-writing my workout plan for the 18-millionth time. I told myself after writing it out "This is going to be a real time commitment..." And then I stopped.
A time commitment?? A TIME commitment!? We're talking about my health! In my youth! I'm a 21-year-old female! I have so much life and youth in me that is just dying to come out that's being suffocated by the fat that's encasing my body! Why call getting myself into a healthier shape "a time commitment" when instead I should call it a "ME" commitment? I need this evolution to feel better about myself -- and don't tell me that I don't need to lose weight to feel good about myself! I can tell you exactly how much of my self-esteem (or lack thereof) comes from how I currently look: at very least a good 50%. I am student teaching this semester, and I am constantly trying to find ways to either suck in my tummy, hide my thunder thighs, or wear flow-y cardigan sweaters to hide my shame. The only positive esteem I have of myself comes from my education progress and the fact that I've already been hired for a teaching position in the fall. I realize that alone is a huge accomplishment, but you know what my second thought was after walking out of that office (the first being HECK YEAH!!)? It was "Well, being fat didn't deter them from hiring me!"
THIS IS A PROBLEM!!!
That's why I don't feel shame or pride when saying that this needs to be a "me" commitment. I need to work on myself. I can't be a positive light or a positive role model for my students when I constantly think about how much happier or confident I would be if I lost weight.
How Insanity Forms
How does the saying go? The definition of insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? That is the literal definition of my workout attempts to this point. Let me share with you, the world, where I fail every. single. time.
1- I workout once, typically more than I honestly should for my millionth "Let's try it again" first time back. This makes it so the next day I'm sore, I'm wore out, I don't stick with it every day even through a week. You need to do something, what, a minimum of 21 days to form a habit? Yeah, I've never even gotten close.
2- I come home right after work and instead of going to the gym that is literally apart of our complex and no more than 200 yards from my front door, I go straight back to my studio, plop myself down on my bed with a plate of whatever unhealthy dinner I've heated in the microwave, and I lay on my bed for the next several hours "unwinding" until I get tired enough to go to bed.
3- Diets have so not been my thing. I think the longest I've been able to stick to a formal diet was last summer for about a month I was able to eat "right" until I started missing-- no, craving--mac and cheese, and other things along the same lines.
4- Cooking has never been my thing and I was never taught to cook. Ever. Except mac. Mmmm, mac...
5- I love sitting...
6- College ruined me. I have so many assignments (and so little motivation) that I spend a greater mahority of my time sitting or laying on my bed to do homework. Additionally, at home, the kitchen table has never been an option for me as a place to do my homework. Between bills or my dad's grading papers being spread across the table constantly and the fact that my parents hovered more than helicopters, I could never get work done without them overbearing. "How's homework?" "Need help?" "What can I do?" Shut up and leave me alone, that's what you can do! (I don't mean to sound harsh about my parents. They're really nice people, but the hovering just drives me nuts!) I think the only time I ever did homework at a "kitchen table" was when I was in dance my freshman year of high school when I waited between classes and had to do homework and eat dinner at the same time.
7- Did I mention I like sitting? I literally never move.
Why We Are Here
Alright. So, here's my point in making this post, this blog, this attempt. I have got to get in shape. I really don't want to meet my new batch of students and still be fat. I don't want to go into the summer unable to wear a bikini (I know, it's so cliche, but seriously. It's not fun! AND I'M GOING TO A BEACH AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SUMMER!!). I want to get married sometime in the next two years, and I don't want to be a fat bride--not that there's anything wrong with being a "fat bride"! If you're comfortable in your skin and your spouse loves you the way you are (as they should), more power to you! I just want to feel confident, which I do not at this point. I digress.
Here's the real scoop -- my icing on the cake (that I can't eat): I'm going to go with my boyfriend to his best friend's wedding. And I want to look good. No. I want to look sexy! And I want him to propose to me while we're down there*.
So, here we are. As I write this, as you read this, I'm taking my first steps. Somewhat literally. Instead of laying on my bed while writing this, I am standing in my kitchen with my computer on the counter (I don't have a kitchen table in my current apartment). I ate a pear for my post-workout meal/snack. I worked out. I'm listening to my Lip Sync Road Trip Radio on Pandora with some rockin' oldies that are making me have even more exercise by dancing around my kitchen.
So, here's the plan. My plan of action.
Workout
I need to workout a minimum of 5 times per week, if not more. For me, this will include going on the treadmill and walking/running according to this Pinterest incline workout series (though it will be modified slightly in the beginning as I start getting used to working out again). I will do some sort of yoga before or after said treadmill experience because my hips require me to stretch out (I love Yoga With Adriene on YouTube. She leads a top-notch yoga experience). I will swim for a minimum of 30 minutes after each work out. For example, today there was some kind of kid's birthday party at our community indoor pool, so after Mass tonight, I'll stop by there again to make up for not doing it after my earlier workout. And finally, whenever weather allows, I will go on an additional 15-20 minute walk around our property. Because I definitely do not go outside enough.
Diet
One thing I need to work on is watching what I eat--not in the sense necessarily of calorie counting, but in the way that I can't be letting myself eat an entire box of mac in one sitting and then continue to snack and eat another equally large meal a few hours later. Seriously, I've gotta get my crap under control.
Additionally, I'm going to update this blog weekly with a general progress report. Again, not necessarily food-for-food description and calorie count of my week, but like if I'm successful and am able to drop some pounds, I'll come make an update. Also if I am a walrus for a week, then I'll post that, too. Because that's embarrassing and hopefully it'll deter me from eating like a pig and not working out. Speaking of embarrassing, I'll also be posting pictures of the junk food I eat because, again, hopefully the thought there is that the embarrassment will deter me from being an oink-er.
Alright? We cool? Everyone understand? Okay. Let's see where this goes.
*Please note that I constantly am wanting my boyfriend to propose to me and that he's not necessarily waiting or not waiting to do such a thing until I've lost weight. These are ideals that I have for myself and myself alone. Additionally, I am not trying to detract from our friends' wedding. My boyfriend and I are very introverted and personal people and are of the kind to definitely not make a show of such a big moment in our lives together. My hope that he would propose "during their wedding" is that he would propose (in my ideal world) either on our way to the wedding or afterwards once the honored couple has left for their honeymoon.
